She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
