...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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