he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
