it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
