I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
