she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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