need another drink. this is the easiest way
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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