OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
