Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize