Your tits are I can't wait for
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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