You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
