The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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