i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
