I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
