hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So much rum. So many feels.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
