I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
