i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
