There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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