So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
