You made me cry and you don't even care
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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