all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
