if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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