I'm eating all of the evidence.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
