Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
