I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
