he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
