I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
