Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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