ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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