Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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