ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
