Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
