Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
