The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
