life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize