Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
