dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
