my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Every concussion has its silver lining
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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