6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
