my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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