smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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