I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
