Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
false alarm. still invincible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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