I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
