I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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