If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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