There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize