I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
