I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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