nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
