What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
