I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
