I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
