Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
