I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
