so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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