Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
