Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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