This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
