omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
