I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
