4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My pussy is not your playground.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
