I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So. Much. Porn.
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