My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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